Jokes :-D

Teacher: One and one makes two. What will five and
> five make?
> Student: Sir, this is not fair. You always do the
> easy ones.

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> Son: Dad, do you think you can write on the dark?
> Dad: Of course I can, son.
> Son: Then turn off the light please, and sign my
> report card.

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> Johnson: I am not going to talk to you.
> Ruban : But why?
> ohnson: Because you called me stupid in front of the
> whole class.
> Ruban : oh! I didn't know that it was a secret!

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> Father: Did you do some mischief in school today?
> Son: No, Dad. I was quietly standing on the bench
> the whole day.

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> Father: Where is my paper?
> Son: I wrapped the rubbish in it.
> Father: But I wanted to see it.
> Son: Oh! There is nothing to see. Just some orange
> peels, chocolate papers and a few meat bones.

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> Father: Why do you say your teacher doesn't know
> anything?
> Son: She is always asking us questions.

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> An old man brought a package to the village post
> office, but the clerk refused to accept it.
> "What is the matter?" asked the old man. "It is too
> heavy; you will have to put
> more stamps on it", replied the clerk. The old man
> was curious,
> "And if I put more stamps on it, will that make it
> any lighter?" he asked.

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> Employer: How good are you in typing?
> Employee: Twenty mistakes a minute, Sir.

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> The old gypsy women looked from her crystal ball and
> said,
> "I shall answer any two questions you ask for
> hundred rupees."
> "Is not that a little high?" asked the customer.
> "Yes, it is," she said, "and now what is the second
> question?"

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> Joe : I started life without a rupee in my pocket.
> Tom : I started my life without having a pocket.

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> A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard
> you died."
> "But you see I am alive," smiled the friend.
> "Impossible," said the psychiatrist,
> "the man who told me is much more reliable than
> you."

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> A boxer went inside the toilet attached to
> the waiting room at a railway station.
> for fear of losing his overcoat,
> he fastened a card on it and left it on a stand in
> the room.
> The following lines were scribbled on the card
> - "owned by a famous boxer who will be back in a few
> minutes."
> After sometimes he came back to take his overcoat.
> On the stand he found a card which read,
> "Taken by a champion runner who is not coming back."

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> "At last," said the writer of poems, "I have written
> something that will be accepted by any magazine.
> " What is it? asked his friend.
> "A cheque for a year's subscription," was the reply.

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> Patient (at mental hospital) : We like you better
> than the last doctor.
> New doctor (flattered) : How is that?
> Patient : You seem more like one of us.

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> Doctor: "Deep breathing, you understand, destroys
> microbes."
> Patient: "But, doctor, how can I force them to
> breathe deeply?"

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> "Dr", said he, "if there is anything the matter with
> me, don't frighten me half to death by giving it a
> specific name. Just tell me what is it in plain
> English."
> "Well", said the doctor, "to be frank with you, you
> are just plain lazy."
> "Thank you Dr", sighed the patient with relief. "Now
> give me a scientific name so that I can go home and
> tell the misses."

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> The doctor smiled as he entered the room.
> "You look much better to-day."
> "Yes, I followed the directions on your medicine
> bottle."
> "What are they?"
> "Keep the bottle tightly closed!"

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> "I'm having difficulty in breathing, Doctor!"
> "I'll soon stop that!"

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> Doctor: " How many fingers am I holding up?"
> Patient: "Six"
> Doctor: "I don't know which is worse; your eyesight
> or arithmetic!"

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